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Read the bible and

Figure it out.

See its truth and

Live it out.

Forever the first and

The last.

I died and behold I am alive.

Authority over death and the grave.

 

Do not be afraid.

Revelation 1:17 and 18

Moses!

Sébastien Bourdon

Moses was unlike any other prophet before or after, a unique man. When he was young he saw the plight of the Israelites in Egypt but he had to flee to Moab because he killed an Egyptian.
I have enjoyed, am grateful and amazed at the story of Moses in his encounter at the burning bush.
Moses response to God when He tells him to go to Egypt to bring His people out of Egypt in Genesis 3:11 is “…’Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?’”
What a common answer by Moses and so true of many people. I have experienced this when I was younger and feeling shame in how well I spoke and being verbal in relationships. I thought many times and struggle still asking, who am I to speak and do the Lord’s work. This is deeply comforting to know that Moses was not some special super human man. God is what happened here, He was there. It is great to see so many things about God that makes the difference in Moses life. Also with Jeremiah who said in Jeremiah 1:6 “Then I said, ‘Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.” Moses also speaks to God about his speech and God said “Who has made the Mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?.” “Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” The response of God is trust in Him.

Pictures

Blog for pictuers
http://kastenphotography.wordpress.com/

America

do you have to worry if you will get to eat today?
do you know if your child will be able to learn to read?
are you able to vote?
do you wonder if men will come to your door and ask you for money when you tell them you have none kill your son?

Americans still have it good


- proud American soldier

Unfolding Future

It seems like some moments have more significance on what will happen in the future. Over the last few weeks I’ve seen situations seemingly normal situations have a reverb that will last a long time. Over a year ago I decided to go into a recruiter’s office. I was depressed and needed some hope. It seemed to fit really well with my situation so I stuck with it. I eventually signed the papers sending me 6yrs into the future with the military making decisions on my behalf. Some look it at it as a joke, but others are proud of the service. Reserves not really a full time job but seems like a good start to a new beginning. 37f is one of many new words I have picked up while being around the military. It is the number for psychological operations division of the military. They are an airborne unit and they are smart people, which sounded rather exciting at the time. Knowing the context of person can give many clues to what they are experiencing. I warm up to people, meaning I don’t think I know what I’m doing in interactions with people, but I do just fine and maybe a little slow. I do not know the cause for my confusion about how to choose and ask to do what I want. It became rather clear that what I really want is to be a chaplain assistant. It’s just who I am. I was open with the people in 301st Psyop unit speaking about my desire to be a chaplain assistant, and they encouraged me to not pass up something that I’m specially fitted for. I begun to see how I would not do the things that needed to be done to ask for what I want in life. I began the process of moving my job in the military, not always an easy task. I took a typing course which was why they didn’t want me in the first place. That was three months taking the course finishing it with a B. The stress was mounting, if I lived in a warm climate id be starting to sweat. February 16 was approaching fast as I was waiting for the transcripts from the class. SGT WASH one of the best recruiter’s I’ve met during this experience found a place for me to go. At this place a woman with foul language looks at a computer screen deciding my fate with clicks of her mouse. One page and one no answer; second page, second no answer, my life was unfolding before my very eyes. Would I be in boot camp within the week or would all that change. Third page they found a spot for me. Still there is more waiting that I’m waiting for. Paperwork, somewhere someone must sign off on it and accept my request. I’m happy though, I’ve tried. Maybe it’s too late I could of done with more time. If they deny my request I could just leave the military because I’m not really in it yet. I’d be backing away from something that would take care of me; right now I’m spiraling toward homelessness. The clock ticks on with three more days to wait and three more days to ask my self, how is the future unfolding for me today? It unfolds every day with another decision that could change what happens in the next six years. Today I was told they put my flight back until Wednesday so I could still ship out but give the time needed for the possible job change. I’m thinking it might be too late, too late to wake up from a slumber. The suspense, the anticipation, and the anxiousness of heart unfold like a deck of cards one at a time. I see three outcomes that might show up. One, I become a chaplains assistant on Tuesday. Two, I go to bootcamp as a psyop soldier on Wednesday. Three, I leave the military and then return to it later to get the chaplain assistant position. I’m not sure how risky the third one is, but the second one I thinking to my self that I don’t need the army to be a man. Three days, the anticipation is exciting. Every day is a test, a test of hope. Where will I go look to for it.

Pictures Speak

55!

55 sits up today in 2min

Muscle

Apparently working out too much can hurt.
found out what the rotator cuff is - shoulder muscles
So my rotator cuff was really soar - took a week off of push-ups
easyin back into it -


pusups- down to 30
sit ups- not sure
2 mile run- im sure i could do a 14min



amazing what exercise can do for how you feel

Different World

the smell of oil, grease and cigarettes were going through my nose as I listened to two men of war tell their stories. Post traumatic stress meetings, starting the car without getting inside and getting shot by a sniper at a checkpoint with a bullet proof vest on. What is the mind of a warrior? burdened yet determined. Surrounded by a crowd, if any one of them had weapon they would be dead. Story after story. I wonder, where is my place in all this?

heard another story and had to express it

I went out into the wood.
didn't come back the same
Never to return
for what I've seen
I saw blood cover his face.
changed forever
for what I've seen
How can I believe in God
for what I've seen.
Just believe? you gotta be kidding?
They're young and dying out there in the wood
I have to be with them
for what I've seen




I want to weep without words
for my heart hurts with you.



If He can see what you see without turning His face
Then He can hear what you have to say.
Go to him with what you have
then listen,
for perhaps he'll answer you.
He's listening, answering those who call out his name.
Then your belief will be supernatural and true.
Personal

progress is slower than I thought but progress non the less

push ups : 35
sit ups : 40


havent found a job in the last 2months - not sure whats going on - maybe i should have higher goals than just a job to pay the bills - but isnt that whats the army is for - anyways need to make rent so i can forge foward for another month and see what happens - i think im realizing what hard work is

pumping up

as of today

push ups - 30
sit ups - 35
2 mile run - 16min

try and blog my progress

everyone thought i was an adult
but i was just a kid
looking for someone to take me in
can a man enter a second time into his mothers womb
and be born again?
the ship has sailed
the search has ended
im born again to the father in heaven

the love of others propels me forward
but doesn't satisfy my soul.
friends say goodbye but jesus says hello.
out of the heart comes evil thoughts
into the heart- he must go

my heart pounds with pain
knowing i've been shamed
but the word from heaven
says i've been sustained.
the lips are close but the heart is far away


wait and listen
freedom is alive and waiting.
hear and understand,
in returning and rest is your salvation
in quietness and trust is your strength

had an interesting day today - there is some discipleship material floating around the church where one person disciples someone and then at the same time going over with another person kinda cool my mom is like the pro in the church
i started to go through this with my dad and i always have odd feelings- probably because i dont like to be with him sometimes
but through forgiveness of christ ive traversed the line and see a different side to him - today he went through the material teaching me about a relationship with christ - my mind jumps between this is nice conversing about these things and now? these things surface ive could of used this information when i was younger -but better late then never .the grace of god is wonderful, what a blessing to know that christ has truely died so we can be with god

now some
contradicting korea pictures

was nice

ARMY

I joined the US Army Reserves on Tuesday April 30th.
For the next 6yrs this will be apart of my life. With this I feel like I will be accomplishing a lifetime goal I never knew I had. Whats life if your not risking it that's my motto, but im a depressed adrenaline junkie. I realized lately that I have habit of inappropriately joking about myself. If I were standing on a stage making people laugh about how im a depressed skinny guy it would totally be appropriate, funny how that works. Thats a short update....

Everyone has seen quotes of famous people that many people say. So I thought it would be cool to try come up with my own. So this is


'Quotes for when I die'


"Everyone is born, then spend the rest of their lives healing from the shock of
reality"


"People kill each other, think about that for awhile."


"Sometimes I think im cool, then I realize im just hangin with cool people."


"Finding something to live for is less important than finding something to die for."


"In the extreme, truth is found."


"I can't make dirt"


"90% of what i think is full of crap, that's why i only verbalize ten percent."



my friend howard has some good quotes here is a sampler



"im all about shake and bake" (not an exact quote)



"everyone can be great, because everyone can serve" MLK jr - ill keep working at it

update

hey i haven't posted in a long time so i thought i would.. post
it has been an interesting road lately that I think im getting a clearer picture of. I started to lose things over the last 3-4 months that has been different from the previous months/years.
My video camera was stolen/lost, i no longer new what i was going to be doing when i was not going on the 2yr mission, my hard drive crashed with alot of my pictures,music,video and i lost my picture camera. Many things close to my soul.
I think it has been God teaching me to follow him step by step and not rely on things,relationships,or plans
some scripture that has come with that is about Moses, when Gods asks him what he has in hand and then asks him to throw it down and it turns into a snake. Also Jesus said he is the Vine and we are the branches. Im often tempted to look like im following God to others, an appearance. Very cool to know God is there in control.




take break, read the bible - its like a really long movie

how i spent my new years eve

tanacious

persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired
describes rugby, players move small amounts to score points
it looks like it would be fun to play, your never running that fast so your not going to get hurt as much compared to football.
speaking of tenacity, the man who introduced me this sport. rugby is in his vains, evident in his tenacity for the Lord and his stature. please to know him

they do this cool jumping thing