Unfolding Future

It seems like some moments have more significance on what will happen in the future. Over the last few weeks I’ve seen situations seemingly normal situations have a reverb that will last a long time. Over a year ago I decided to go into a recruiter’s office. I was depressed and needed some hope. It seemed to fit really well with my situation so I stuck with it. I eventually signed the papers sending me 6yrs into the future with the military making decisions on my behalf. Some look it at it as a joke, but others are proud of the service. Reserves not really a full time job but seems like a good start to a new beginning. 37f is one of many new words I have picked up while being around the military. It is the number for psychological operations division of the military. They are an airborne unit and they are smart people, which sounded rather exciting at the time. Knowing the context of person can give many clues to what they are experiencing. I warm up to people, meaning I don’t think I know what I’m doing in interactions with people, but I do just fine and maybe a little slow. I do not know the cause for my confusion about how to choose and ask to do what I want. It became rather clear that what I really want is to be a chaplain assistant. It’s just who I am. I was open with the people in 301st Psyop unit speaking about my desire to be a chaplain assistant, and they encouraged me to not pass up something that I’m specially fitted for. I begun to see how I would not do the things that needed to be done to ask for what I want in life. I began the process of moving my job in the military, not always an easy task. I took a typing course which was why they didn’t want me in the first place. That was three months taking the course finishing it with a B. The stress was mounting, if I lived in a warm climate id be starting to sweat. February 16 was approaching fast as I was waiting for the transcripts from the class. SGT WASH one of the best recruiter’s I’ve met during this experience found a place for me to go. At this place a woman with foul language looks at a computer screen deciding my fate with clicks of her mouse. One page and one no answer; second page, second no answer, my life was unfolding before my very eyes. Would I be in boot camp within the week or would all that change. Third page they found a spot for me. Still there is more waiting that I’m waiting for. Paperwork, somewhere someone must sign off on it and accept my request. I’m happy though, I’ve tried. Maybe it’s too late I could of done with more time. If they deny my request I could just leave the military because I’m not really in it yet. I’d be backing away from something that would take care of me; right now I’m spiraling toward homelessness. The clock ticks on with three more days to wait and three more days to ask my self, how is the future unfolding for me today? It unfolds every day with another decision that could change what happens in the next six years. Today I was told they put my flight back until Wednesday so I could still ship out but give the time needed for the possible job change. I’m thinking it might be too late, too late to wake up from a slumber. The suspense, the anticipation, and the anxiousness of heart unfold like a deck of cards one at a time. I see three outcomes that might show up. One, I become a chaplains assistant on Tuesday. Two, I go to bootcamp as a psyop soldier on Wednesday. Three, I leave the military and then return to it later to get the chaplain assistant position. I’m not sure how risky the third one is, but the second one I thinking to my self that I don’t need the army to be a man. Three days, the anticipation is exciting. Every day is a test, a test of hope. Where will I go look to for it.