journal

a journal i kept up during the semester, I think some parts are funny


august 17 2007
i thought about telling some people about this but now decide to right it down.
Without a car I travel more than most people on the transit system. I was coming back from San Diego speding time with the family. I was taking the metro-link train and ended up talking to a lady who goes to Harvest. It felt like an odd conversation with a christian about the crusades and the different churches around Riverside nothing too deep but hopefully it was beneficial in some way. I ended up getting off the train one stop sooner then I normally do. I ended up at tyler mall waiting for the #1 bus to get back to school. I sat down to wait for it and a couple of people sat down next to me. A girl and a guy and they seemed like friends. It wasn't odd that they started talking to me many people who travel on public transportation are friendly. I don't know if i would of tried to share my life of following christ but after spending time with my pastor, which always seems to bring out the importance of Christ and others. They were talking to each other and asked me what I was doing and where I was going. They had the ghetto flavor to their speech, meaning they talk about you while their right next to you. I began to get a sense of what kinda lives they lived. The man talked about how he wanted to get home to get a beer. The girl wanted to get home to her wife. I decided to go with the really easy question "so... do you guys go to church?" the guy said he used to go to a baptist church in LA probably when he was young. The girl said her dad made her read genesis when she was a kid. I have been wearing a bracelet with some scripture on it which has sparked a few conversations. There scriptures that go all around it presenting the gospel with different colors. And this is where it hit me. I usually am not very comfortable wearing outward signs of christianity but i kinda like it now. I forgot that christianity was written all over me that day. I had a CBU shirt on and this bracelet. What hit me the most was that there are only two verses I know by memory on this bracelet. This girl looked down and said "look at that he's all in to this with scripture on his wrist" "do you know what john 3:16 is?" what john 3:16 ? then i quoted it almost stumbling through it , so surprised she just asked me to tell her the gospel. I tried to say it not as if i was quoting something memorized but something with meaning.
the subject changed and my bus came. i ran off probably never to see them again.



september 1, 2007 12:30

i dont know what im doing
i dont want to screw this up
this is your life
i have to let it shine
but what is happening when I feel
Im not ready to be used
are you just waiting for the right time
i know i cant complain and whale and cry
i must live
i must sleep and get up during the light
i cant give up
i wont when there is a reason to go on
when the hero can mold us into heroes
and take the glory
why is it so hard to submit
why do I try and cheat

september 4,5, 2007
we have found out Mel is going to die this week they say.
an emotional start to this semester
I have felt blessed to have known her and she is an inspiration to us all

september 14,2007
She is still hanging in there
its like were all just waiting for the news to come that she is gone
in a way i want it to end
Sure God could give her back to us
I think most people would agree that doesnt appear to be his plan
He is moving big legos around with mels death and a few days ago John Carter left as well
Its giving opportunities to the theater department to do different things which are good
Its like a whole different environment kinda cool
Its like God knows how to give us a good eduction despite CBU short comings
I feel drained and its only the first week of school
i slept in until 10am today then slept some more on the couch for a few hours at like 4-6pm

Semptember 22, 2007
What a week
I think the death of Melodie affected me more than I wanted to admit
I notice in myslef, im a relationship killer. as i grow though , i grow calmer and find relationships i can pursue. i just want to hide at times
id probally kill myself if jesus wasnt so freakin awesome, I love living life with him.


semptember 25, 2007
im going crazy ill find out in a year why


semptember 25, 2008
i didnt go crazy and im living the life


september 29, 2007
Today I learned how to spell september.
Hanna led the bible study in theater today and read Isaiah something something
the one about those who wait on the lord will mount up on eagles wings.
went close to how my last couple of weeks have gone
waiting on the lord need to delve into that part of Lord more
a concept i cant understand.



sometime in early morning


im inhuman
searching throughout time

staying up all night
just to bring a change

I look at lives like laura lawson mellissa
and I want to Love god asmuch as them
to have joy like them to live like them
to breathe like them

i laugh with a joy though
my life is identified with christ
what is impossible with man is possible with God



today the 3rd of november
the play the midsummer play
garret aaron katie and katie the actors have been wonderfull to be apart of this show yet I feel so alone, confused
heh maybe im going through my emotional years of adolencent frustrations, everything seems so pointless
it is so odd so un-normal to look to tommorrow and not desire to give up
I decided a long time ago I am going to follow christ because if I did not I could not watch myself throw this life away no point in living unless there is something to live for and it has found me
We all have the sellfish nature that pulls us down I can see it in everyones face and yet we see joy and yet we find ways to be unselfish

how now brown cow
milk was a bad choice

i wish i could get better at photography
that seems huge
which leads to I wish i could get along with other people to become better at photography and video
I made myself broke the other day and bought a 200 dollar minidv i litterly have 20 dollars
I dont want to ask money from my parents I hoping to get some money from the journalism department soon
Emotionaly constipated heh maybe I just need to like say things like what I just wrote today

testing of a mans soul
what I am made of is dawning


utah
isp application
church-design
design
photos
marine science final
jesus movie paper
jesus viewing papers
jesus research paper
chapel makeup



monday 1:59 am november 11

Theater and faith
they seem to have the ability to go hand and hand its hard to separate
like a trip to see Christ moving in other countries

serving the audience
acting takes commitment
we have a part to play
the part is yours and no one elses
everyone is putting their trust in you to do your part
pass or fail it is yours
the spotlight challenges your purpose
brings people together
can bring a honest view of yourself
working with others




november 22, 2007
megan examplifies a life of a evangalist

the trip has been unreplaceable. The first day I was confronted with a surprise.
Before the trip I was thinking that I would be driving a rented car for the team because last year we had two rented cars. But when we got there we it appeared that i wouldnt drive at all. I had to rely on God then to use me where He wanted.


november 31, 2007
its probally not weird but im so depressed
im so odd
we had broom ball and like 50 mormons showed up which is unbelievable
really amazing so cool
maybe i push my self too hard expect too much and that cant be from God
i don't know but his word says to be about showing his glory. have I done that
whithout making any conversations with people? .. Do i not have enough faith
did I quench the spirit when I wouldnt share with the old lady on the plane do I rely on Gods grace cheaply Do i let fear rule me do i not believe


november 30, 2007
its been a long semester, alot has happend. one more to go. Glory be to God